If you have been sexually assaulted recently or some time ago, you may be experiencing a wide range of feelings, from shock, fear, disbelief, flashbacks, outrage, confusion, sadness, despair, and anger. These feelings can be very difficult if you are a teenager, when you are surrounded by so many people at school, home and work. Please do not lose hope. All of your feelings are valid. You did not deserve this and the offender is the only person who should be blamed.
Regardless of your age, there are many people who can be of help to you now. One important and confidential source is your local rape crisis center (please refer to the Resources). Below are some of the options that you have. Please read them all so that you keep open as many options as possible, especially if the assault has just happened.
Emergencies
If you have recently been assaulted, your safety must come first. Please call 911 if you are in immediate danger. Also, do not hesitate to seek medical care if you are injured. Rape crisis center staff can also help you with a safety plan if the offender is someone you live with or work with.
Advice and Emotional Support. Contact friends and family you trust. Although they may not always understand how you feel, they know you the best and care about you. For free, confidential help and support with questions you can also contact your local rape crisis center. Every question you have is valid and important. They can also provide assistance at the hospital, at the police station or court, and with counseling if you wish. Whether the assault occurred today or years ago, rape crisis center services are for anyone who has experienced a sexual assault. Some programs may also have special services, such as support groups, just for teens.
Mandatory Reporting of Child Abuse: In most states, if a minor under age 18 is abused by a caretaker, then all persons who know have a duty to report the abuse to Child Protective Services. If you would like to have your questions answered confidentially, even though you know mandatory reporting laws apply to your case, you can call a rape crisis center hotline and speak to them anonymously. Simply choose not to give them your identifying information. There are also mandatory reporting laws for crimes occurring on school property. You may want to research the laws in your state concerning mandatory reporting.
Police Investigations
You may choose to call the police to have the offender arrested and charged with a crime. If you do wish to report the crime, the sooner you report the more easily the prosecutor can prove the case. A medical exam may be taken to preserve evidence of the assault (sometimes called a "rape kit"). Police investigators may be able to take evidence from your clothing and body to prove the offender committed the crime. A nurse examiner will look for injuries related to the assault, proof that sexual activity occurred, and DNA from the offender on the survivor's clothing and/or body. Therefore, please do not eat, urinate, shower, bathe, douche, or brush your hair in order to preserve any evidence that can be used against the offender. Investigators will also need all of the clothing that you were wearing at the time of the assault, so please do not change clothes or wash any of the clothes that you were wearing (you can bring a change of clothes or clothes can be provided to you). The cost of the exam is generally covered by state funds. Note that the offender may also be medically examined for evidence.
A medical exam can be a powerful tool to put the offender behind bars, but it can also be very difficult emotionally to be medically examined after an assault. Most rape crisis centers have trained advocates that can stay with you at the hospital to support you. If you would like, call for a rape crisis center advocate or ask law enforcement or hospital staff to call the rape crisis center for you, so that an advocate can be with you as support.
Medical Care
Some medical concerns may not be immediately apparent, such as sexually transmitted infections (STIs), internal injuries and pregnancy. Even if you do not wish to have a doctor or nurse collect evidence for an investigation, please obtain a medical exam to protect yourself as soon as possible from further physical harm. Some medications, such as the "morning after pill" for pregnancy and antibiotics for STIs are most effective when administered as soon as possible. Medical care may also preserve evidence of the assault, should you wish to pursue criminal charges immediately or in the future. As a minor, you usually do not have the right to seek medical attention on your own. However, there are some important exceptions:
Although the law varies from state to state, in most minors under age 18 do not need parental consent for the medical treatment, prevention and diagnosis of:
- Sexually transmitted infections (including HIV/AIDS)
- Pregnancy
- Substance abuse (the abuse of drugs or alcohol)
- Emotional disturbance (mental health concerns)
For disease testing, you may want to consider going to your local government health department or Planned Parenthood (refer to Resources) than your private physician. These agencies/organizations are more likely to understand your rights as a minor including your rights to confidential services.
Remember that you are an important person, deserving of the best treatment possible. Let those you seek help from, whether they are rape crisis center advocates, medical staff, and/or law enforcement investigators work for you.
Teen Dating Abuse
What To Do If You Are In An Abusive Relationship
If you're in an abusive relationship, consider taking some of these first steps to help:
- Talk to a friend. If you haven't already told a friend about what's happening in your relationship, try it. Ask them to listen without trying to solve the problem for you.
- Try taking a break. If you're not happy with the way you're being treated, but you're not sure what to do, consider taking some time alone to think about it.
- Consider talking to an adult. If you feel your situation is too big to handle alone, it may help to find an adult you trust. If it isn't a parent - try a teacher, the parent of a friend, or even a counselor.
- If you don't feel safe, try to not be alone with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Even if you're not ready to make any major decisions about your relationship, if you feel scared when you're alone together, try to avoid it. Spend time in groups and in public as much as possible.
This section was adapted from materials provided by the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: http://www.loveisrespect.org
If you decide you are ready to leave an abusive relationship
First off, congratulations on wanting to leave this relationship. It takes a lot of courage and strength to want to leave, and we applaud you on making this first step. When a victim is leaving an abusive relationship, there are a few things they should remember.
Although the abuser may have tried to keep you isolated from your friends and family, try to break free of that and keep communication lines open. No matter what has happened between you, your family and friends due to this relationship, does not mean that they will not be there to help you leave it all behind. Remember that they want to help you, not hurt you. It is always easier to take big steps in life when you are surrounded by a safety net of people who love you.
Leaving the relationship will be hard but trust in yourself and those around you. Constantly remind yourself of the reasons why you wanted to leave in the first place and why this relationship was harmful, not helpful. During this time a rush of emotions may come to you such as sadness, loneliness and even anger, however remind yourself that these feelings are normal and that it is okay to be upset. Talk to friends, family or seek professional help to assist you in making sense of your feelings. Doing this will help you understand that the abuse was not your fault.
When a victim leaves an abusive relationship, it is the most vulnerable time for them, so try to create a safety plan for you with friends and family. Remember: it is always better to be safe than sorry. Try keeping yourself busy with things that are important to you such as school, sports and extra-curricular activities.
You will soon find out how busy and healthy your life can be once you have left the relationship! Make this time about yourself and treat yourself well. Go out with friends or see a movie with your parents. You deserve to feel good!
This section was adapted from materials provided by Teens Experiencing Abusive Relationships: http://www.teensagainstabuse.org
If you or someone you know needs help, please call the Rape Abuse and Incest Network at (800)656-HOPE. You are not alone.
