Sexual Assualt

Rape is an extremely traumatic experience, not only for the survivor, but also for those that care about them. Providing a friend with an attentive ear, and a supportive shoulder to lean on could make all the difference in the world for someone who has been sexually assaulted. However, a supportive friend may be uncertain about how to help a friend in need. The following are a few simple guidelines to keep in mind when comforting your friend.

First, you can begin by letting your friend know that you want to listen, and then do so. Listen attentively, and let your friend talk without interrupting. You can show interest in what s/he says by sitting close and facing her/him. You may feel nervous about stalls in the conversation, as well as silences. These are OK, just let them happen. Simply providing a thoughtful ear is an important contribution to the survivors healing process.

Additionally, it is important to give your friend control. All control has been stripped from her/him during the assault. It is important that you allow her/him to make decisions such as who to tell and what steps to take next. You can encourage your friend to seek medical attention or counseling, but it is important that you don't try to force her/him to do anything.

It is very important also to believe your friend unconditionally. People rarely lie about being sexually assaulted. Be sure your friend is aware of how much you support her/him. Make it clear to your friend that you believe the assault happened and that the assault is the fault of the abuser, NOT the survivor. Reassure you friend that S/HE IS NOT TO BLAME. The only person who is responsible for a sexual assault is the abuser.

Moreover, it is important that you provide your friend with the necessary information if s/he does choose to seek help. Keep in mind that physical evidence must be collected within 72 hours of the assault. A survivor can decide later whether or not s/he wants to press charges. Also, educate your friend about the professional and confidential counseling and advocacy services available to them. A local rape crisis agency, a school-counseling center, or a member of the clergy may provide these services.

Finally, it is important to let your friend know that you believe in the possibility of healing. Although, there is no recipe for recovery, you can affirm your friend's strength and capacity to heal. Your friend may be experiencing tremendous feelings of guilt and self-doubt. Try to alleviate these feelings by providing a safe and secure environment for your friend. The road to recovery is long, but not insurmountable, you could be the first step your friend chooses to take down her/his path of healing.

Teen Dating Abuse

Support for a Friend

What you can do if you think your friend was in an abusive relationship? Talking with a friend in an abusive relationship can make a big difference to them - whether they are being abused or being abusive. Sometimes, it can be difficult to know what to say or how to say it, especially if you've never dealt with this issue before.

DO:

• Listen first to what they have to say.
• Talk to them in private and keep what they say confidential.
• Let your friend know why you are concerned. Be specific. Refer to incidents you have personally witnessed instead of what you have heard from others.
• Offer to get your friend information.
• Mention other people your friend might talk to - a counselor, a teacher, or another adult they trust.
• Let them know you are available to talk more if they need.
• Give them the loveisrespect, National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, number or website address (located in Teens Resources section).