Board Member Mark Herzlich's Letter to His Son

Engaging men is a critical part of the movement to address, prevent, and ultimately end sexual and domestic violence. But before men are men, they are boys. What does it mean to raise boys who understand consent, dignity, and respect? A good place to start is by learning to effectively communicate about what consent means. 

Joyful Heart and A Call to Men board member Mark Herzlich wrote an intimate letter to his young son about growing into a man in honor of Father’s Day.

To my son whom I love unconditionally,

Today I watched you. I watch you constantly. Whether it be out of necessity or wonder, I watch you and I smile.

Did you watch me? You did. Whether it was out necessity or wonder, you watched me too. 

Did you see me hold your mommy’s hand while we were on our walk?
Did you hear me shout from across the park and tell her that I love her?
Did you feel me lift her up when she was sad?
Do you see me hold her towards the heavens as she powerfully battles for her beliefs?

I know. I know you did.  

Can your two-year-old ears understand everything that I am saying?
For today, you don’t need to know. I have the words that you do not. It is okay my son. Your father is here.  

 For today you don’t have all of your words, but someday you will.  

Someday when you have all of your words, how will you use them?
Someday when you are strong like daddy, who will you lift?
Someday when you meet a girl as wonderful as mommy, how will you treat her?  

There will be a someday when I am not around. 

I ask you again my son, did you watch? 

 Did you listen? 

How did your father use his words?
How did your father use his actions to show you what to do? 

Do you remember?

Did your father care enough to explain his words?
Was your father intentional enough to imprint his actions?

Was I clear?
Did you understand? 

A moment in time. A moment of life. A moment of importance.  

Look to her. 

Is she clear?
Does she understand?

Are you sure? 

How do you know? 

Did you ask?... Ask. 

When did you ask?... Ask again. 

What did I tell you about protection?
Protection doesn’t just mean “protect-HIM”. Think “protect-HER”.

I am your father. 

Did I show you how to be a man?
Did I teach you how to care and be kind?
Did I show you what love looks like and demonstrate deep rooted respect for others? Not just others who think like me, or look like me, or pray like me, or vote like me.
Did I respect ALL others?
Did I lift up my faith in a way that made you desperate to know the Lord?
Did I portray love in my correction?
Did I father for the moment or did I father for the future?

Today I watched you. I watched you out of necessity and out of wonder. 

I watched you hold your little sand shovel over your curly head and march to the beat of your own drum. 

Today I listened. 

Today I listened to you singing “Follow the leader” at the top of your lungs while marching down the beach.

Today I watched.

Today I watched as one after another, the little kids filed in behind you. Marching and singing as you led them. 

You are a leader. 

You will lead your entire life. 

But where will you lead?

How will you lead?

Today I felt. 

Today I felt a new fatherly feeling. 

I felt a feeling of opportunity. 

I felt an opportunity to raise a young man who finds his worth in building the worth of others.
I felt an opportunity to raise a young man who creates safety for those around him.
I felt an opportunity to raise a young man who respects people not for their worldly position or achievements, but for their humanity.
I felt an opportunity to raise a young man who will pull an oppressor off of a man’s neck, because it is right.
I felt an opportunity to raise a young man who will ask if she is okay, who will ask if this is okay, and will ask again because in that moment “she is greater than I”.
I felt an opportunity to raise a young man who leads his followers in faith, in love and humility because he knows that in every moment “He is greater than I”.  

Today I watched. 

Today I was reminded of the weight of fatherhood. 
A weight that I will never take for granted. 

It is my greatest honor to raise you into the good man I know you will become. 

Sincerely, 

Your father who loves you unconditionally